Why do almost all pop hits have these horrible things in common?! Yes. It’s catchy (even a metalhead, when One Direction’s Story of My Life hits my eardrums, I belt it out like it’s nobody’s business), but there’s no denying the terrible things about it. Point blank. 

1) The musicians are Panda-level lazy.

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Is it just me or does Gotye’s Somebody I used to know have the same melody as Twinkle Little Star? The same old chord structures are hitting up the charts all the time.

2) The lyrics are lammmmmo (yes, just like this word)

How to make catchy lyrics: Lazy. Equals. Dolla. Bills. Plus, never use the English language like yo momma and yo teacher taught ya. Evurrrrr.

3) Sex, drugs, pop & roll

Just think about it: the lyrics of trending pop music almost always describe sex or alcohol or (oddly accepted) drugs abuse or booty. Or just all of the above in one song.

Many songs have nothing more to say than how much the singer drank (obviously in order to write their stupid lyrics) and how much supposed ‘business’ they have, while saying “bootyyyyyyy” in a truly pervy way. Repeatedly.

Only rock can save us now…

4) Live performances are such disappointments

What you hear on the radio or stream on your phone are probably light-years away from what you can expect in a live show.

Sure, they try their best and it might not be bad, but this question haunts me: what if all the special effects, gimmicks and computer sounds were taken away? Would people still obsess over these artists? A strong NOPE is in order.

5) Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber

Do I really need to justify the one thing wrong with pop? My editor, the Belieber, thinks I should. But I’ll just leave this here to irritate her.

To end off this article; I present to you how to write a pop hit single (the final product starts at 2:19):