The only difference between me and calendars? They have dates . Like boyfriend dates.
Yes, some girls have tons of boyfriends (not me) and some of us don’t (me); but I think we can all identify some super annoying things about having a boyfriend, however often we have them. Like:
- Having completely different music taste. This means you have to smile and nod through hours of House music thumping your brains out OR think of him hating your music when your tunes are on. True star crossed lovers.
- Realising he has no idea how to do stupid stuff.
In your eyes your boyfriend is strong and independent, until you happen to hear when he asks his mom how to put on the washing machine. And suddenly you have future-flashes of him asking you to help him clip his toe nails when he’s 40.
- His fights hurt the most. Damn you, you pretty boy who holds the power of sunshine and unicorns, but also of tears and cold-shoulders.
- Hearing him talk about his “crazy ex”. Oh fantastic, now I know how you’ll talk about me when we break up. WAIT, she tried to stab you once? But you told her she’s just like het mother? You deserved that. Bad boyfriend.
- PDA. He doesn’t want to hold your hand through HIS horrible House music. Or he just wants to eat your face off like the fattest zombie in The Walking Dead. You can’t win.
- Parents. You and your boyfriend are having tea in his room, when suddenly his parent say, “Son, we’re coming up the stairs.” Note to self: put down that cup. Slowly.
- When he’s older and he thinks that automatically make him wiser. “You won’t understand. babe, you’re still in Gr11.” Well remind me what it’s like when I turn 18 in about 60 days.
- They’re ALWAYS sleeping.
He sleeps until 12PM on Saturdays. By that time you’ve done your homework for a week in advance and fed all all his pet fish. Wait. He just woke up from the sound of his own fart.
- Sometimes he abruptly cares about the way he looks, intensely. Suddenly he gets all weird about it and starts going to the gym, for about two days. Then he doesn’t care again. And you just bought him a gym thingy for your 2nd month anniversary.
- Having to pick between him and friends. You want to spend all your time looking at his perfect face, but your friends are starting to feel left out, so you have to force yourself to part.
- When they mansplain.
“Actually, periods aren’t supposed to be that sore every month due to your body’s pain capacity for giving birth to children one day…” Be quiet boyfriend. You do not know what you speak of.
- When you ask him something, and he goes into defence mode.
“Babe, what was primary school like for you?” “Oh my word! What’s with the 20 questions?”. Yes, you guessed it. It’s code for: “not so good.”
- Getting joined invites. Cara gets an invite. Peter gets an invite. But you don’t. Not anymore.
- Him wanting you to become BFF’s with ALL his female friends.
Yeah, Sarah and I have SO much in common. Like not knowing what to say to each another.
- He loves playing on MY phone, but all hell breaks loose when I lay a finger on his phone.
What are you hiding there WALDO? Why’s there a password on your phone WALDO? WALDO?
WHAT OUR READERS HAVE TO SAY:
“When he tells you to calm down, when you are not calm at all.” – Melinda Collins.
“When they’re laying on top of you.” – Liezil Huyser
Like Labrador who doesn’t know it’s not a puppy anymore.
“Not being allowed to play with his beard” – Alexa Reinecke
It’s because they stash their leftover food there.