You’re probably still in your teens, but I’m almost reaching that age where when you see a handsome, smart and kind gentleman, you want to put a toddler in his arms. In the wise words of The Queen (Beyoncé): “If you liked it, then you shoulda put a ring on it.” He could always just take me out for a burger with some onion rings on it. Or something like that. So without any further ado (except that you have to play Beyoncé’s song as a backtrack to this article), here’s the 10 signs you’ve been single way too long:
1. You smelled the gentleman’s neck in front of you in the line at McDonald’s.
We’ve all been there. Just a quick whiff… Aaaah Hugo Boss. I wonder if he’ll notice if I slip my number into his pocket? Ring. He has a wedding ring! Abort mission. Abort! WHY ARE YOU MARRIED AT SUCH A YOUNG AGE?! Or maybe he doesn’t age, like George Clooney.
2. You Google “Love spells for the modern woman”
This usually happens after you’ve watched The Vampire Diaries.
3. You’ve tried Tinder
‘Nuff said girl.
BTW: Click here to read about my experience of Tinder.
4. You knitted a little jersey for your cat
And he hates it and you even spent your precious TV-watching time making it! This is your life.
5. You are stalking people on LinkedIn… Facebook.. Twitter
And then you realise people get notified when you visit their profiles on LinkedIn. And then you die.
6. You scroll through your WhatsApp contacts, looking for someone (a boy) to randomly send “Heeeey you!” to
No judgement sister. Although you’ve only met him once when your mom sent you on that church camp in your “chubby years”.
7. You started watching The Bachelor
You also realised that if you were a contestant, you would probably crush on the presenter or the cameraman – making it awkward for everyone.
8. You wish it would “rain men”
“It’s raining men, Hallelujah!” And their mine, all mine! Muahahahaha!
9. Your legs are ALWAYS shaved
Because, who knows, you might just happen to end up in a date. Or a man might accidentally touch your leg when he falls from the Heavens.
10. You actually go to the gym.